Ok 1 last week more to go. Andrew, you can do it. Press on to it. Moving on to the next seaon.

Though I really don't bear to leave many people and many things here. But I know clearly in my heart that it is time to move on. No more looking back and being softhearted again.

Live a life worthy of this call. Move on to help more people with this gift given to me. That's what I need to do.

I just couldn't get myself to sleep. I just couldn't stop thinking of her. God help me through this please.

Who can truly understand this pain in me? Who can I truly talk to besides God. This pain in the heart, I have no idea how to put it into words.

I never thought it would be this hard to obey the will and calling of God in my life. Oh God I really hope I could just surrender this heartache and pain to You but my emotions are so real. I can't ignore it.

I miss her so so much. But if it is for her good, I'm willing to let go. God please help me, I really need Your love to overwhelm me.

Well I guess I'm prepared to leave this place. Just the last few things I will do for her and for this place.

May God lead me in my future steps. At least I'm free now to go all the way for God. Let not my will but Your will be done in my life.

Well, seems like it's really over. The way she reply really just seems like she dun care anymore.

Maybe I really have to prepare myself to move on. Well, fully concentrate on God's calling ba. I just have to get over the emotions. This is bad.

Well, today went to church for Sunday service. Finally Jared managed to finish off all 5 songs for English service. It was really good. I believe he would be able to make it when the new team roster comes out in Aug.

Today's sermon was on emotional expect of a mature Christian. Seriously right on point! I was so emotionally affected for the past one month, Just couldn't get over this long relationship. Everytime I see her I will recall the past.

Though I managed my emotions well on the outside and did not misbehave myself, it's like heavy storm on inside of me actually.

Finally I found the courage to face it and deal with this emotion, I know I cannot let it grow out of control. I have to meet her and settle it, if I have to go away from her for a while I guess I have no choice this time but to do it.

Oh God, please be with me through this. I really need You to walk through this with me. All I commit to You again!

Well, tonight was bad in my opinion. The court was book from 8pm to 10pm. We only have 5 person turn up at first, 1 coming late.

The other 4 of them left at 8.50pm and I was left alone waiting for the late 1. Well, I wasn't sure if this is productive but I still get over my flesh and stayed on for the late 1 to come and fellowship with him.

I've never felt so stupid before to be honest but I'm pretty sure I'm seeing myself breaking through my flesh and emotions. I have every reason to be angry and dissatisfied about tonight but I chose to see beyond my underatanding. Haha.

May God make it productive then. I commit all to Him. My life is not my own, it belongs to Him.